Lesson Fifteen
Line: I knew this was right. I didn't tell you how I'd feel about it though, did I?
This line was touched upon in Lesson Nine (“I don't take this shit from friends, only from lovers.”), but is important as a standalone quote. Where Lesson 9 is a triumphant middle finger from Sandy to Michael, Lesson Fifteen reveals something of her broken heart.
Context: Michael, having weathered a marriage proposal, a lesbian outing, and (nearly) an acquaintance rape is cornered by Sandy who demands to he clarify their romantic status. When he sits her down and gently as possible declares he loves another woman she screams and behaves in an outraged manner that leaves Michael perplexed.
Michael: You asked me to be straight with you!
Sandy: I knew this was right. I didn't say how I'd feel about it, though, did I?
The source of Sandy’s fury and Michael’s puzzlement was the misunderstanding of the other’s interpretation of their relationship. Michael couldn’t comprehend how an almost accidental sexual encounter could have been so misconstrued, but from the beginning a dubious Sandy asked that he be frank about his intentions. “Sex changes things,” she mused. “I’ve had relationships where I know a guy, and then have sex with him, and then bump into him and it’s like I loaned him money.” Michael protests that he is not that guy, and is shocked that Sandy would imagine he could be. Sandy is a goof and a mess, but she has grounds for suspecting Michael would disappoint her as had men before him. Not only was she abandoned by her date at Michael’s birthday party, she was likely aware of his unchivalrous history with women. “I know there’s pain in every relationship,” she tells him. “I just want my pain now. Otherwise I’ll wait by the phone. Then I’ll have pain and wait by the phone. It’s a waste of time.”
But he persists in the charade that their friendship is budding into a romance all the while standing her up, making her wait by the phone (even for rehearsals!) and trivializing her emotions. When she snarls that maybe he supposes a box of candy “means nothing’s wrong,” he seems genuinely mystified and says, “Well, nothing is, is it?” When she asks if he’s gay, he blankly replies, “In what sense?” She has to draw out his confession to loving another woman, lulling him with rational argument about the destructive force of a lie and visibly composing herself for the terrible thing he has to say. And upon hearing it she, to his chagrin, goes bananas. So unfair! She practically assured him bad news would be received in a calm and mature manner!
Now he has to cope with her pain and her justified insistence that he realize he is responsible. He didn’t mean to hurt her any more than he meant to seduce her—an original sin that could have used a lot more consideration. Sandy made a choice to believe in their affair far more fervently than the evidence justified and Michael chose to let her rather than dealing immediately with the consequences of his callousness. Both choices evidence a great deal of actorly self absorption, as do their subsequent decisions—Sandy takes the candy and the role in the play, Michael frets to his agent that a woman he slept with thinks he’s gay (“That’s not so good, Michael,” the agent replies).
Moral: Honesty is the best and least employed policy, which is why you have to lie to get somebody to tell you the truth.Lesson Sixteen: "That's very convenient."
Lesson Fourteen: "I'll do anything. I'll waitress. I'll be a wife!"