An Emotional Cry for Help
You don't have to believe me, though I suppose I would prefer that you did, but people pick fights with me over the phone all the time. I get calls from people in other climes who want me to predict next week's weather. When I tell them the current weather stats, they protest, "USAToday says it's been in the low eighties. Are you saying they're wrong?"
Similarly, when they call in for directions to the building and I tell them to turn left on such and such a street, they say, "That can't be right. Such and such a street goes north-south, and that would have me going west." Or, "That street doesn't intersect this street." Mind you, these are people who are LOST hassling me. This puts me in mind of a memorable instruction Melanie offered a hypothetical dingbat guest: "Go through the door, turn left, go to hell, don't come back."
A third favorite bone of contention between callers and myself is over the names of my co-workers.
"I need to speak with Dick Biork," is a typical request.
"We do not have an employee by that name," I say.
"I have him down as the president of your company," the caller continues.
"Our president's name is Richard Brock. Would you like to speak with him?" I ask, sweet as pie.
"Well, I have Dick Biork on my list."
I'm looking for advice. How would you deal with these omniscients? I usually put them on hold for a really long time, but maybe one of you could suggest something even more satisfying. Maybe something electrical. Okay, what I want what I want what I really really want is the power to throw lightning bolts like Zeus. So the next time I hear the words, "Princess doesn't intersect with Bell" BOOM!!! 15,000 volts right in the ear. There are some exceptionally smart people on this mailing lists, surely one of you could find a way of making my dream a reality.
